Shmendrik Shleps Schlonged Shtick in Spiel

     

     Schlong means penis. Easy. Yiddish really happens. Metaphysical fact. No debate needed on the subject. Dick. Johnson, Cock, Wang. Just talking about it makes me all giddy. I see me running down the halls of Benton Elementary School saying schlong!" Which actually happened. Lenny Bruce's fault."I'm going to be rich! I figured out how to get schlong-juice stains off of suede." I had no idea what the scary man meant but the word had magical powers! To an eight year old.

     Why the hell use it in adult political discourse? My mother got a note from a teacher on that one.  She told to me that schlong meant tinus, I knew that euphemism, I knew I would get my tukhus beaten if I kept saying it. So why does Uncle Trumpy get to use it? Trump Infantile Syndrome?

     Uncle Trumpy doesn't like a lot of things. Everything Rosie O'Donnell. Megyn Kelly's menstrual cycle. Carly Fiorina's face. I don't get the last one. He has Ted Cruz' smug face in punching range but yells at the church lady? I don't think he hates women. He likes his daughter, a lot, enough to want to "date" her. So "what the heck is going on?" 

     What did he say?

     "She was going to beat Obama," Uncle Trumpy told a Grand Rapids crowd. "I don't know who would be worse. I don't know. How does it get worse? She was going to beat...  she was favored to win, and she got schlonged. She lost."

     Lets translate what Uncle Trumpy said. Hillary got a raw deal in the 2008 primary against Barack Obama. Nothing before this makes me think he cares about the 2008 Democratic primary process. I assume the whole comment might just exist as a delivery system for a misogynistic dick joke.  

     So why bring up the image of a white woman and a black man's penis to his supporters? Do the Trumpers of Grand Rapids get a thrill out of Black on Blonde porn? Maybe some dog whistle racism? I don't see into those people's souls so I will not comment on why they ate Uncle Trumpy's crap on a shtick. They eat everything he offers and this came on the same menu. 

     Until I find out otherwise my running assumption of Trump Infantile Syndrome stands. On a lighter note I giggle like an eight year old every time a reporter has to say Schlong. If that was Uncle Trumpy's game he gets one point for creative neuro linguistic programming.        

Advise to the Soulless (Poem Alert)

Make it. Eat it. Shit it out. Burn it to a crisp, cry in the ashes,
make a new mud soul out of the paste.
Sing a little song, do a little dance,
then... eat it again.

Do that for years and years
then write your stupid fucking poem.

I've tore up my soul and rebuilt it a thousand times,
once from crumbs of ambrosia I found in a dumpsters I slept in.
I found them tucked in cozy next to a dead rat and a little dash of fryer grease.

I scream the DNA of my soul to the judgmental birds in the uncaring sky...
and I fucking lived.

I carved a picture of my soul on the tissue of my beating heart
and bled music on the morning fog.
I lived.

But I died on the sunset,
rode the moon to midnight.
I only came back for the smell of October blackberries.

If all else fails Scream in a mason jar and toss it in the ocean.
Some day punk kids with slingshots will find it.
One lucky shot and that jar will break and sing them a song about real life.

Hillary's Bestie

     The religious right and conservative talk radio have picked their horse, Ted Cruz. “He’s my guy. I like Ted Cruz a lot,” Glenn Beck gushed on Fox recently. Rush and Hannity jumped off the Trump train. Why? Because Trump dissed Cruz on a Sunday morning politics gab show. The mighty far right, falling all over themselves to kiss Cruz' pasty white butt. their boy. 

     But why the attack from Hillary like Trump has the kissable ass? Winding him up accomplishes what? Game theory has an easy answer. The internecine warring in the GOP makes for an entertaining Hillary Clinton campaign. Yee Haw! No hard questions from her. Trump, an agitation slot machine that pays off 100% of the time, fits the bill.

     No good reason exists for her lying. ISIS recruiters using videos of Trump's (arguably) fascist/racist hyperbole to get new human bombs? I mean... what? People can't face check that? Could they run out of pictures of dead burnt bodies? The bad side to walking that back a little? None that I see.

     "I meant ISIS recruiters COULD use..." Didn't hurt at all. Right?

     But no. Why? Trump on the rampage in the republican primary? Hillary's dream.

     But what good could this do America? The last thing Hillary wants to see? Thoughtful, moderate republicans applying conservative ideals to problem. God forbid they come up with a good idea! Reagan, Nixon, even Poppy Bush might have opened the door for the nuts, but they voted and led as centrists. Real intellectuals like Buckley, wouldn't piss on Cruz. 

     The truth sounds like a conspiracy theory. If no Donald Trump existed Hillary would create him.

     We hope for a return of manners and civility. Even some political correctness would help, if assholes like me can have a little wiggle room. I hope Hillary realizes she can win without all the game play and tricks. Just stay the alternative to whoever wins this GOP primary. You had us at "I'm not them."